Helping Children Adjust

Children of any age do not like to have their security threatened. Their security comes from a sense of predictability and a stable family environment. Children's sense of security is often built around the familiarity of where they live, eat, sleep and keep their possessions. This sense of "home" takes time to rebuild when they begin moving between residences.

When children begin the process of travelling between two homes, they experience feelings of loss, confusion, anxiety and insecurity as they adjust to the reality of being with one parent at a time. As a coping mechanism for trying to handle these emotions, they may overreact and become very difficult to handle for a few hours or even days. One parent may blame the other for this behaviour, assuming that the other parent is not disciplining the child, or is even encouraging the child to behave badly. But it's important not to jump to conclusions - your child's behaviour may be nothing more than a reaction to his or her own feelings of grief and loss.

When children move between homes, they are constantly reminded that the family is no longer together. Children may also experience separation anxiety from one or both parents, or they may worry about the well-being of the parent they are leaving behind. In addition, children have to deal with some unwelcome changes in their schedule and environment.

Give children time to adjust to the changes, and make sure they feel safe and secure in both places. For example, try to work together to ensure that your children have familiar belongings and favourite games with them at each residence. You can also help children maintain visits with friends and extended family members.

If one parent moves a great distance away, a child's feelings of loss and anxiety may be understandably heightened. In the case where one parent sees the children during holidays and summer vacations, it's important to help maintain continuity as much as possible by keeping the residence "homey" and filled with some familiar possessions. Parents also need to prepare their children for the inevitable changes and how they will maintain contact with both parents. For example, regular phone calls can help children maintain a continuous relationship with a parent who lives at a distance.

At Russell Alexander, Family Lawyers our focus is exclusively family law. To find out more about our services, we invite you to contact us or call the firm at 1.866.647.6335